i just dunno how to start... all i knw, i felt the pain again... the torture that im doing to myself. i felt really bad when i saw the 4 year old messages again, ewan ko ba.. knowing that those messages existed before i came to his life. pero bkt ganito. bkt nasasaktan ako sa bagay na hindi nmn dapat. is it enough na im the present.. do i have to feel  lucky naba because of that. bkt ba nmn kc binasa ko pa.. and now ... e2... im thinking stuffs na hindi nmn dapat. its like nagsisisi nako bkt sya pa... pero bkt hindi... meron bang lalaki na wlang past... i noticed he was madly in love.. khit mali grammar nya sa mga emails na un,,, i still envy the girl... is it because hindi pa nya ginawa sa akin ever un or this is just pure ego. i really cannot explain how i really feel. i think nabawasan feelings ko for him... siguro mga few days after ng first anniverasary. is there something wrong if i feel this way... is there a girl nahindi masasaktan kung malaman nila that the guy they are with already given their heart to someone else but that person declined his feelings.. so e2.. since wla na talaga chance from that girl... he gave up and looked for another woman where he will offer his heart with.. malas nga lang and that was me... all the experiences that had happened to him... i think ako na ang shock absorber.

did i make the right choice,, na sya ang pinili ko intead of that other guy who was just talking things one day at a time kaso too bad... impatient ako at pinili ang tao na ready to admit his feelings khit few days plang kayo magkakilala. dared the person to an agreement just to try things out. the person whose not really ur ideal man but learned to accept who he really is. pero since im getting back on track, bumabalik ung dating attitude ko na aayaw na bag bored... pag wla nang adventure.. pag wla nang twist... bkt ganito. this is really hard. i dont wanna loose him but i dont want his past.. pero sino ba jan ang wlang past.. khit ako may past ... why can't i understand that. maybe because he's the person i really fell in love with... its like buying coke zero even if ur used to coke light but sometimes you wanna try to add energy and have gatorade instead. ang gulo.. i dont even understand my self either. sna may life disctioanary that can translate the meaning of my emotions.. a woman's emotion.

i want to start from scratch but what if there's no enough papers... will there be a happy ending.

5 months.... 5 very long months... i dunno what else to say. im contented but not that happy in a way. but I LOVE HIM

i ran out of words on how to describe what im feeling ryt now. im in love and that's all that matter to me. not sure until when.. i hope that everything will happen jsut the way i wanted to.. actually this is the first time i fell in love the most. regarless of the outer appearance, the standards and everything. i wish he feels the same way :(

happy 1st monthsary baby

Three days to go… the 2^nd special day for me this November. I cant really imagine that he survived the first month with me… no regrets… all I know is just I’m happy. He may not be my ideal man but he is my prince. There were times I thought I made a wrong move, that it’s all just an agreement, I was wrong… I admit that I felt fear for the very first time in a relationship. Afraid that I might loose him, fear of falling too deeply in love or worried that I love him more than he loves me. Bottom line~ I’m contended  that he is mine.

A Tribute to my Love

It has been months since the last time we saw each other and I’m still on the process of recovering and moving on. Reminiscing all the memories we shared and the lessons we learned from each other. Our first glance is one of my treasures… love at first sight as what they say… your big brown eyes caught my attention and then there was a connection between two lives longing for something unknown.

I remember the time that I left the house key and couldn’t get in; you were there for me during that storm and hugged me tight for I was freezing. I am hearing your heartbeat saying, NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, IM HEAR TO PROTECT YOU.   After that day, we became closer. I make it a point to go home straight from school so we can have more time together before that day ends. We walk together; we play and sometimes ride my bike. You’re always to the rescue if ever you see someone hurting me. My love, my knight and shining Armour and my hero

My morning is incomplete if you’re not the one waking me up. I remember the time we had our first fight because you were so jealous when a friend visited me together with his pet… you ignored me for days and it was really depressing. So one day, I bought a gift after school and give it to you, then we were good friends again.

That misunderstanding made our friendship stronger and made me love you more. Years had passed; I went to a school in Manila, which means lesser time together for the both of us. But your always there for me, waiting outside my door just to make sure that I’m safely home. When I started working, I know you really felt bad. I became too busy and sometimes tend to forget to check you out. Days became months, and months became years… and I’m missing you so bad. I don’t have an idea if when was the last time I combed your hair, tap you goodnight or even gave you food.

So I looked for you when I got home from a long weekend vacation… I want to hug you, kiss you, comb your fur, walk and play with you like we used too but it was too late… my favorite Dog passed away 2 days ago. Then I said it to my self that Yvonne is not dead, they’re just joking.  I didn’t loose hope, I know your just hiding somewhere…coz you’re good in that game.

There’s no sign of her, no anything… just that plain old rug she used to lay on, in front of that same door where she waits for me every night. But she will always be the Angel guarding my door.

Angels come in all sizes and shapes and colors,

 visible and invisible to the physical eye.

But always you are changed from having seen one

-         Sophy Burnham

*** Cherish all the memories and treasure everyone that makes you happy at the moment. Because you will regret all of the time you wasted on something/someone that’s not really worth it. Learn how to fight for something you deserve to have because there’s no assurance that there will be a 2^nd chance.

Lyrrehc ;>

i cant say na it's still paonful every time we talk kc i still wasn't able to tell him how i feel,. its just that i prefer na malaman nya...and just  have to be ready in the end

a friend told me he's not worth it because obvious na hindi nya ako kaya paglaban, i a way may point sya wen he said i deserve someone better... bahala na!! im just hapi and enjoying his company... anyways, we're just COMPANIONS